Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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