i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
