you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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