my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
