her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
