there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
