It's like God shit irony all over that family
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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