Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
