are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
