i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
