I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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