I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
