Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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