I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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