I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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