You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Randomize