he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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