I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
