why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
