He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
