It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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