i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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