I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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