I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
