oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
