u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
