I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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