Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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