I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
