Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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