Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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