office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
