The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
