If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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