i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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