The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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