Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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