i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
