three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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