Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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