Do you still have your period?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
