I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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