SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
