if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
