I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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