Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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