drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
