If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
my liver is dry heaving
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