Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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