There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
