Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
