She is in my trunk
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
