This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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