Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
