Is it normal to miss your booty call?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
