Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what day is it and did you see me today?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
