I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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