So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
