She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
