In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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