i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
