it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
