Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
