1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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