I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
