Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
