i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
